That said, motherhood came with a much higher level of parenting needed than I ever expected for a baby. I haven't told this whole story to anyone other than Nigel, and it would have been easier to tell had I been doing it all along. However, I did not want to put it off anymore because I have a need to tell it, hoping to finally find some healing and maybe help out other new or soon-to-be moms.
Let's start at the beginning. I have not posted my birth story here either, so I will do that as a part of this series. The birth did not go as peacefully as I had hoped. I should have known better, with all my instincts, than to have Lilyana in a hospital for what I was hoping would be a natural childbirth. Not just natural as in vaginal delivery, but 100% natural: no drugs, epidurals, unnecessary monitoring, no separation from me, no bottles. In a hospital, a birthing mother is at the mercy of her care team: nurses, doctor, and doctors on duty, and their procedures and protocols. You better have chosen a doctor you trust, because for us, that is the main thing that saved us from a c-section. I had chosen a doctor that I both knew personally and who came highly recommended in our area. I knew if things did not go as we hoped, that I could trust the outcome because ultimately he does not push c-sections as quickly as most doctors these days and he truly had our well-being at heart.
Why do I mention this? I believe some of the stress and hurdles we faced in L's first couple weeks are directly related to the difficulty we had in getting breastfeeding started, which I believe is directly related to the interventions that happened while I was in labor. In hindsight, I am very, very trusting and at the time was still too naive to believe that we could have a completely natural childbirth in a hospital, especially a hospital with a Level 4 NICU that is so accustomed to high-risk and difficult births. It also has a high c-section rate at 27.9%, which is typical in the U.S. That said, the care team and support I had there was exceptional after what I went through with the labor and delivery.
L, as it turns out, can be perfectly described as a high needs baby by the description found here at the Dr. Sears website. I will get into specifics about how I've witnessed this in L later, as she has really fit all 12 points he describes in that post. It was impossible to know this about her prior to birth, which is why I believe the traumas surrounding it were all the more harmful to her.
Coming up in the rest of my posts in this series, I will talk more specifically about the events surrounding her birth, my personal concern over the rising c-section rate and why it's happening, how I discovered what a high needs child is, trials we've endured in this process, and things I've learned that may help others. I have been labeled a "chronic researcher" by some friends who know me well. I've read a lot, and learned a lot. The story will take long to tell, but it is my fervent prayer that it may help another mom. At the very least, I hope it causes more moms-to-be to become better-informed about pregnancy, labor and delivery, and mothering a high needs child.
