Definitions...

This is going to be a short post. But I had a lightbulb moment yesterday. It wasn't prompted by anything, but came just the same. The dictionary is full of words. What is interesting is how people will take a word, and twist it and pull it and prod it until it no longer means the same thing in a culture. I do not personally agree with that, especially when it's done purposefully with ill intentions and to manipulate others.

The word that came to my head? Tolerance. I believe it is something God wants us to practice. However, do you know what the actual definition(s) of this word is/are? Here is a fair sample:

1. a fair, objective, and permissive attitude toward opinions and practices that differ from one's own.

2. interest in and concern for ideas, opinions, practices, etc., foreign to one's own; a liberal, undogmatic viewpoint.

3. a permissible difference; allowing some freedom to move within limits

Nowhere in any of those does tolerance mean agreement with or affirmation or condoning of another's differing opinions, practices, or beliefs.

What is God's command to me and all humans? Love one another. That's it. I love my brother and others in my life who have chosen courses that I disagree with. That God would disagree with, too. And they love me even when they disagree. So that would be tolerance. Tolerance is not agreeing with, affirming, and wholeheartedly supporting all the actions of everyone else. God does not call us to that.

I've heard this said many times over the years: the Gospel itself is offensive to many. That is true. And it is not affirming of all actions of people. Yet God, and His Word, and His son Jesus Christ, love and tolerate all people, all the while hoping they will turn from their worldly ways back to the One who created them. Do you know why the Gospel is offensive to many? Because it in itself states there is a God, therefore there is truth. And most of today's culture doesn't want to hear that.

Granted, we should not be disrespectfully shoving God's commands in people's faces who don't know Him. As a wise man I listened to recently said: "It is the Holy Spirit's job to convict, it is God's job to judge, and it is our job to love." (Andrew Marin, speaking to the National Youth Worker's convention on how to minister to teenagers and others in the gay community)

Tolerance doesn't require me to agree with sexual and other sin, other religions that deny the God I know, politicians who lie about themselves and each other to get elected, or anything else that God disagrees with. But God does require me to love all of those involved. And He always grants me just the right amount of grace to deal with each situation I face in this life.

Ok, so that wasn't so short. And I feel like I could go for a long time and not exhaust the subject. But there's no need for that, because if you want to know more God has all the answers!

What I'm Fighting For

Ok, so I saw someone else do this and was intrigued what would happen if I tried it. Hmmm...I'm posting it, so obviously it was interesting! If you want some fun times, try it yourself with these directions and post it to your Facebook/Blog:

1. Put your iTunes on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS! (except if you get a "Track 5" or something in a language you don't know)

IF SOMEONE SAYS "IS THIS OKAY" YOU SAY?
Anthem

WHAT WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY?
The One I'm Waiting For

WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
Morningstar

HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
Making Memories of Us (so true - working on our wedding album in bits and pieces today)

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE
Heart and Soul

WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?
Call On Jesus (WOW!!!)

WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
Holy, Holy, Holy (Not so sure about that one, but anyway)

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
More

WHAT IS 2+2?
Majesty

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
Beyond Compare (Yup, He sure is!!)

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE/LOVE?
Wonder of it All (Yes, I am still in awe at all that Nigel is)

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
The River

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
Strangers in the Night (huh?!?)

WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
It Is Well With My Soul (smiles)

WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
I Stand For You

WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
Time That Is Left (not really, but it's appropriate anyway!)

WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
Glory in the Highest (I hope so - it's an amazing worship song)

WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
Good Morning Beautiful (at least Nigel thinks so)

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
American Dream

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
Parade (Yes, I think it would be a fun parade too!!)

WHAT'S THE WORST THING THAT COULD HAPPEN?
Be My Escape

HOW WILL YOU DIE?
O Holy Night (on Christmas??)

WHAT IS THE ONE THING YOU REGRET?
To Make You Feel My Love

WHAT MAKES YOU LAUGH?
I Have A Dream (he he he, yeah, because my dreams are crazy!!!)

WHAT MAKES YOU CRY?
The Name of the Game

WILL YOU EVER GET MARRIED?
Grace Flows Down (SOOO awesome - as the thing that made me realize I would marry Nigel was the night that he was a human reflection of God's grace to me - not kidding)

WHAT SCARES YOU THE MOST?
You've Been So Good (not sure about that one...)

DOES ANYONE LIKE YOU?
Here I Am (Guess I like myself!)

IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN TIME, WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE?
Feeling Like Someone In Love (huh??)

WHAT HURTS RIGHT NOW?
House of God (yes, especially the house of God I worship at with all the Prop 8, Prop 4, and denominational stuff going on)

WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS?
What I'm Fighting For

The hottest topic in CA these days: Part 1

I know it's been a really long time since I posted anything here. Part of it is Facebook, and the fact that I keep in touch with so many of you there. Yet sometimes, I need to write something that's much longer and more important.

I've been debating for a while whether I wanted to write this post or not. I know it might bring very bad things my way. But a very brave friend wrote a very brave message and has inspired me to do the same. And this is my blog, where I can speak my feelings on something and hope that God's truth is the only thing that shines through. So I will take the risk.

I know that many of you who read this are not from California. Though I also know you've probably all heard about the 4 rogue judges who legalized gay marriage this past spring. Well, on the ballot in November is Proposition 8. Here is the text of the Proposition, exactly as it will appear on the ballot:

"Only marriage between a man and a woman is valid and recognized in California."

That's it. It's good and bad. If you show up at the polls and haven't done your research, this may look discriminatory to some (especially here in the Bay Area). And of course, that's what those who oppose it are saying. However, it's not the truth, and there is a lot being left unsaid. A yes vote on Prop. 8, according to http://www.protectmarriage.com , does 3 things:

" * It restores the definition of marriage to what the vast majority of California voters already approved and what Californians agree should be supported, not undermined.

* It overturns the outrageous decision of four activist Supreme Court judges who ignored the will of the people.

* It protects our children from being taught in public schools that “same-sex marriage” is the same as traditional marriage, and prevents other consequences to Californians who will be forced to not just be tolerant of gay lifestyles, but face mandatory compliance regardless of their personal beliefs. "

And there it is, plain and simple. The voters have already, on more than one occasion, voted for traditional marriage. If this doesn't pass, not only will everyone be mandated to be tolerant (read: their definition of tolerance is NOT the same as a biblical definition - it is much broader), but forced into compliance regardless of our personal, religious or otherwise, beliefs. Pastors who refuse to marry gay couples could be sued and their churches could lose their tax exempt status. The Bible could be challenged as hate speech (this is already happening in other countries, as close as Canada). Children will be forced to learn about it in school, regardless of the beliefs of their families. This is already happening in Massachusetts. And freedom of religion will start to be restricted based on outcries of discrimination (also happening in Canada).

The truth: marriage, in cultures across the globe and throughout human history, has
been defined as between one man and one woman. Why would anyone try to argue that? The reassuring factor is that we know in the end by the assurance of God's Word that good triumphs. Yet we also know that the enemies of God will continue to try to gain ground on earth. This is another way that the enemy is trying to gain ground and silence the church.

I am not intolerant. I am not hateful toward gays or supporters of gay marriage. I do hate, however, that because I am a professing, Bible-believing Christian, I'm being lumped into a group that is being labeled a discriminating, lying, homophobic, evil, hateful, closed-minded bunch of bigots. Seriously. I even read of someone who has struggled with thoughts of rear-ending people who have a "Yes on Proposition 8" bumper sticker on their car. Tolerance is what the opposing side says they want. Yet tolerance is a two-way street. I am labeled all these horrible things because I am a Christian. No other reason. I haven't done anything to any of the people labeling me to make them think I am like that. In fact most of them don't know me and never will. I think the actions they are displaying are sad, and grossly unfair, as well as hateful, lying, discriminating, and closed-minded. Just what they're saying about me (and all Christians).

So here's what I DO think and believe. I believe marriage is a sacred, God-ordained covenant between a man and a woman. I believe He created marriage and has the final say on what marriage is. I believe God calls every human being, which He created, to love every other human being.

I think this is a scary time for religious freedom in California, and if Prop. 8 doesn't pass it may set a precedent for much of the country. I am scared to talk about this in public. I've witnessed many people get into hateful, God-dishonoring arguments about it in public places and online. Especially online. I believe in the right to practice one's religion without governmental mandates to silence your beliefs. I believe in freedom of speech.

I believe that morality is mandated by God, not man, and our laws typically reflect the morality and values set forth in God's Word. I believe in the right of all people to visit those they love in the hospital (one of the arguing points of the gay community, saying they are denied this right). I believe that if someone chooses to spend his or her life loving someone of the same sex, that they should get the same legal, health, and tax benefits heterosexual couples do. I also believe it is an eternal issue, and that it is not my place to judge them or point fingers if I don't agree with their choice of lifestyle. I believe it is my obligation to love them and treat them as Jesus would treat them.

There. I said it. The bottom line is the golden rule, which all people regardless of their faith preference seem to agree with: Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. And for me, that means treat others the way Jesus would treat them, even if it's sometimes difficult to do so.

I wish there could be more positive dialogue about Proposition 8. The mayor of San Francisco, Gavin Newsom, is spewing the same hateful speech about us that so many others are. Which is making the others do it even more, feeling they are being supported by the mayor. We are not trying to take away equal legal rights for domestic partners (which, by the way, they already have). We are not trying to discriminate. We are trying to keep a sacred, faith-based definition of marriage just that, sacred. Call it a civil union, call it something else. Just leave marriage in it's God-ordained, history proven sense, alone. And let Christians be Christians and practice our faith how we believe it to be.

And at judgement day, we will be rewarded for our standing on the one and only truth:

"Jesus answered, "I am THE way and THE truth and THE life. No one comes to the Father except through me." John 14:6 (emphasis mine)

My heart is overjoyed

With a title like that, you all are probably expecting some big announcement from me. Specifically, I know a lot of you are waiting for me to tell you I'm pregnant. Well, I have no big news, and we're still trying. So why am I overjoyed?

My heart is overjoyed because today, for no one reason, I can tangibly, physically feel my Savior's love for me. I felt it in Emma's hugs and kisses as I took care of her today (I pray I have a child that loving). What a blessing to be a caretaker for such a sweet little girl who is just shy of 3 years old.

I felt it when I found out that Arcade Church's women's prayer summit next year is going to be at San Damiano retreat center in Danville, right in my church's backyard! It is also where Nigel proposed. I've been wanting to go every year, as have some of my friends and some women I know from CPC. Amazing, that the opportunity is going to be so close that all of them will be able to say yes!

I felt it when I was reminded of our mission, mine and Nigel's - to share the joy and blessing of worship-based prayer wherever God has us. CPC is doing a series from Nehemiah right now, and there are bricks outside that you can write your name and mission on. Then they are actually being built into a wall. I wrote our names on a brick with worship-based prayer/ There are probably only a handful of people at our large church that have ever even heard of worship-based prayer. But we know God is keeping us at CPC for that mission.

I felt it when I got home from work and saw Nigel so peacefully taking a nap on our bed. What a blessing my husband is! And I really love watching him sleep. I rarely get to, as I'm always out the second my head hits the pillow at night, while he will lie awake for a while usually.

And I felt it again as I am reminded that God loves me, knows the desires of my heart, and will bless us with a child by some means when it is His timing. I do not doubt that for a second.

So, how have you felt God's love today? Something small, or something big? Remember to take enough time to feel it - He's there, waiting for you to pay attention, in every moment of your life.

The town I work in

I want to preface this with a couple things: one, I love Danville and its people for many, many reasons, not the least of which is that those that live there who Nigel and I call friends are wonderful, godly, generous, and kind people that don't really fit in the "Danville mentality" at all. And to tell you the truth, this isn't really so much about Danville itself as it is about any suburb of affluence in America. The root of this post is my frustration with American materialism, and in places like the Bay Area at large and Danville as part of it, materialism rules the day. So please, read this as a larger treatise on American affluence in general and the harm it's causing to the coming generations who in large part don't get to experience family life like it was when I was growing up.

It always astonishes me when I hear wives bashing their husbands, calling them lazy, inconsiderate, and unthoughtful. And bragging about their fancy cars, new houses, remodeling houses that are 10 years or less old, and complaining that their lives are hard and frustrating and unhappy. I hear that a lot, working at an antique shop in Danville, CA. But then I have to take a step back and remember the stereotypical Danville family. So here's a little background on this deceptively charming town for all of you who don't live here.

Danville is a very charming town in the East Bay, particularly the downtown area on Hartz Ave. The shop I work at on Hartz, Sweet Magnolia, is especially cute. It's in an old house built in the 1920's, now a historical landmark. The owners, Jill and Clay, are amazing and have a beautiful style - mostly French country in shades of white, ivory, country blue, sage green, and gray. I wish I could live here - it is exactly ME.

The other shops in the area are just as cute on the outside, and mostly on the inside, too. It really feels like you are stepping back in time when you come here. When I first moved to CA and lived in Danville, it's those things that I loved. It felt more like home to me than typical suburbia.

However, all this charm and beauty is deceptive. A single family home in this area, maybe 3 bedrooms and 2 baths, around 1500 sq ft, will easily run you $800,000, even in the housing slump. But most of the homes here are MUCH larger than that, and therefore buying a house here for under $1 million is rare.

So why do I say Danville has"deceptive charm"? Because underneath all of the beauty, class, carefully groomed appearances (people and buildings), are families that are struggling to hold it together. It is near impossible to make a mortgage payment here without two full-time incomes. And where does that leave many of the kids? In day care, or as they're older, home alone (or without their parents' knowledge not alone) while parents are virtually nonexistent.

It's no wonder the girls in my freshman small group are literally begging for us to set boundaries for them. Boundaries equal safety and security, and in order for these kids to grow up, they need that. At their ages, they can't developmentally make sound decisions like adults because they lack the abstract reasoning necessary to see consequences and ripple effects, much less care about what those consequences might be.

And the school system here is tough on the students. First graders come home with 2-3 hours of homework a night. So where does that leave high schoolers? With more homework than one night will allow, every night, weekend, holiday, break, and summer vacation. Yup, they get assignments for their new classes in the fall to start over the summer. So even if they happen to be in one of the fortunate families where at least one of their parents are home even a good part of the time, they are so bogged down with homework that there is no time left for any kind of family life. And forget the days of high achievers getting a 4.0. Today, for a CA student to get accepted into a CA university, they need GPAs in the range of 4.6+. That means advanced, weighted, often college-level classes with even MORE homework.

And I didn't even mention the enormous expectations of coaches and arts directors for those kids who are talented in athletics, art, music, or drama. And you know what really stinks about that? You have to be really talented to even take part in most of the extra curricular activities because there is so much competition. If you want to play soccer, you better start when you're 7 or 8 so that by the time you're in junior high you're good enough to make a team. What happened to trying things and being involved in things just because you enjoy them even if you're not the best, fastest, or prettiest/most handsome? And again, only well-rounded students (unless they are in a racial minority) get accepted into CA schools. The pressure is far too high for students today to not just perform, but excell. They don't even get to enjoy being a kid anymore.

So why do people live here? Materialism. Status. Proximity to wonderful things: 45 minutes to Napa Valley, 45 minutes to the ocean, 30 minutes to San Francisco, 3.5 hours to Lake Tahoe (where many have cabins, mind you), 3 hours to Yosemite, and an $80 round trip flight to LA and all of its "wonders".

Yes, I am a true small town country girl from the middle of nowhere, trying to make sense of this area God has us living in, even though Nigel and I feel very out of place. And trying to minister to severely hurting kids. The problem is, I cannot replace their parents. They drop their kids off with the expectation that all their spiritual teaching comes from us, while never having conversations about anything with their kids at home. It's hard, hard, hard, heartbreaking work for us.

Yet it is a calling, so with God's wisdom and strength I press on, doing what I am able to do with these girls. I love them and want to see them turn into godly, humble women that God can use greatly. So even when the uphill battle seems too impossible to win, I remember that God's strength and amazing ways are far greater than anything I could do on my own. After all, look at me and what He's done for me. I was at my absolute worst and He picked me up and made me new. What an awesome and amazing God I serve. And my faith in Him and His divine and unfathomable ways keeps us at CPC and keeps me working in Danville as well, even though at times we feel like we are on another planet.

Humility, sacrifice, and marriage

I am going through a Beth Moore study on Daniel with the women's ministry at my church. It's pretty amazing, and really stretches the brain, which I love. But in the midst of all the prophecies, kings, kings, and more kings, and end-time events, there are some solid, amazing lessons for life. This may take two posts, so I'll start with what I've learned this past week.

The video to begin week 11 (studying Daniel 11) talked about sacrifice vs. selfishness. Satan is constantly trying to get all of us to give up the sacrificial life. For "it is only in losing ourselves that we truly find ourselves," and Satan doesn't want us to know the truth about who we are in Christ and what good we are capable of doing in the world we live in. Beth Moore said that if we miss the sacrificial life we will miss our calling. Wow! I definitely don't want that to happen. I want to fully live as God intends for me to live, on a daily basis in all that I say and do.

She also said that sacrifice has to come at great cost to us. That's where I really began to apply what was being said. For most of us, the "cost" is our pride, though it could be something much more. We want it to be quick and easy, to give (monetarily or in service) out of our excess, not where it's hard. Here is a quote she included from C.S. Lewis: "Pride leads to every other vice: it is the complete anti-God state of mind." I have been saying for years that I believe pride leads to every other sin, not knowing that C.S. Lewis said the same thing. Pride precedes greed, lust, stealing, cheating, and any other sin you can think of. Selfish pride. And we all have it.

Here's a practical application that most of you women that I know will appreciate. How does America portray a man who asks his wife to do something for him, even something small like get him a glass of water? Lazy, controlling, and womanizing. Hmmm. Interesting that we would hear that so often, yet it's SO WRONG! Explains where my instant subconscious defensiveness, though unfounded, comes from every time Nigel asks me to do something. Stubborn, selfish pride, fueled by our annoying and deceptive media.

I applied what I learned in the Bible study: sacrifice, true sacrifice, has to cost something. For me that is often pride. So I swallowed that pride and went our of my way to do extra things for Nigel this week. And I discovered something: it makes me like myself a lot more. I also discovered in the midst of it this week that Nigel's love language is acts of service. And all of a sudden all the puzzle pieces fell into place - he is always hoping that I'll do things before he asks me to, because it makes him feel loved. And when I don't, or grumble a little at doing something, it actually hurts him. Talk about switching my motivation! It's a lot easier to do things for someone when the result is that they feel extra loved.

Here is a little excerpt from fivelovelanguages.com about acts of service:

"Sometimes simple chores around the house can be an undeniable expression of love. Even simple things like laundry and taking out the trash require some form of planning, time, effort, and energy. Just as Jesus demonstrated when he washed the feet of his disciples, doing humble chores can be a very powerful expression of love and devotion to your mate.

Very often, both pairs in a couple will speak to the Acts of Service Language. However, it is very important to understand what acts of service your mate most appreciates. Even though couples are helping each other around the house, couples will still fight because the are unknowingly communicating with each other in two different dialects. For example, a wife may spend her day washing the cars and walking the dog, but if her husband feels that laundry and dishes are a superior necessity, he may feel unloved, despite the fact that his wife did many other chores throughout the day. It is important to learn your mate’s dialect and work hard to understand what acts of service will show your love.

It is important to do these acts of service out of love and not obligation. A mate who does chores and helps out around the house out of guilt or fear will inevitably not be speaking a language of love, but a language of resentment. It’s important to perform these acts out of the kindness of your heart.

Demonstrating the acts of service can mean stepping out of the stereotypes. Acts of service require both mates to humble themselves into doing some chores and services that aren’t usually expected from their gender. However, these little sacrifices will mean the world to your mate, and will ensure a happy relationship."

Now, I need to get Nigel to read the chapter on words of affirmation, because as it turns out, words definitely make or break my day. How do people like Gary Chapman come up with this stuff? I am thankful to God for leading him to write that book. It is sure helping my relationships! And my marriage to the most wonderful and humble man on earth.

My website is up!

I just finished my website for my design stuff. Actually, I discovered that I didn't have to have a .Mac account (a service you pay for) to create a website in iWeb. I love Macs!! In just under 5 hours (including testing, fixing, and republishing) I had a website done. It's great! Granted, if I could afford it, I would get one designed in my fave colors of blue and brown to match my logo, but this is free!

Check it out, and let me know what you think!

Jax Digital Design .com

or

Jackie Clemonds .com

I also have a blog there, which will be only about my design stuff. I may duplicate the posts here though. Have a great day!

My first album order!

I have my first album order as of last week. It's for a wedding I'm going to assist shooting on March 1. It's a start! I am very excited. I've also generated quite a bit of interest in my designs lately, so now it's just a matter of following up with all the contacts and marketing my work.

In the meantime, I'm working on a full website with galleries for my designs. It's very time-consuming, but with my new iMac everything is getting done faster!! Did I mention I FINALLY got a Mac? It's AMAZING!!!! What a difference it is making for me. A nice 20" widescreen LCD monitor saves on my eyes, and the idea of no more laptop is saving on my neck and back. Not to mention how fast it is!

Also, I've been very busy on more page designs. Here is one of my faves right now (and a shot of myself that I absolutely love as well). If you click on the image it will take you to the PicasaWeb album where there are some more.

From Nigel & Jacki...

I'll keep you all posted as I get more work done!

Christmas 2007

Click above image to view the album from our snowy Christmas adventure.

A hot topic on a blog...

Ok, I had to write in here about my thoughts on a topic I came across on a blog I've frequented for a while. It's about weddings and marriage, and people generally ask for advice about various things. This is a post I came across a few days ago:

"Just wondering...how many out there have lived with their FI's before tying the knot? For those that did, would you go back and wait if you could?

My hubby to be is planning to move in with me before the end of the year and to be completely honest...I'm a little scared freaking out!!! I've been on my own for a little over 2 years now and I LOVE it. I love having my own place/space and I'm really afraid of losing that. Is this nomal? Or could this be a major warning sign?"
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I waited a few more days thinking about it, and seeing what others would post. YIKES!!! I guess I've been in my Christian bubble a bit longer than I thought, as I had no idea that living together isn't really even frowned upon anymore. Which scares me. I think the enemy has so many couples right where he wants them to cause them so much pain.

So, there were 38 responses before I responded. Out of them, only 6 didn't live with their husbands before marriage. And no one mentioned much about any of the risks or reasons not to live together. So, I prayed, then wrote this:

"I, too am apparently in the minority here. I feel also that it is absolutely not necessary to live together before marriage, and even a risk to the relationship. However, every relationship is different and every person is different - we all make our own choices in life and have to deal with the outcome, good or bad. I am not meaning this to sound judgemental - it's not. Honestly how many people, women especially, look at the risks before moving in together when they're blindly in love?


My husband and I knew each other for only 8 months before we got married, which gave us no time to learn living habits. I was 29 and he was 40 on our wedding day, which is also when we shared our first kiss. We had both lived on our own for many years and were set in our ways, and yeah, I was worried about how hard it would be to live with someone. But I knew it would all be worth the wait. And while our faith in God and His perfect design for marriage was the overarching factor that set our decision, we also knew God designed it that way for OUR good and well-being.

I carried a lot of pain from kissing guys (and more) when I was younger - giving that physical piece takes a piece of your heart and bonds a part of you to that person forever, even if you later marry someone else. I think our wedding day was that much sweeter for all we saved for that day: first kiss (and everything else), and living together. I knew when I met him that my next and last first kiss and everything else would be with my husband.

We just celebrated a year, and are more in love than ever. It's a lot easier to accept and get used to someone's quirks and habits when you move in with them under the covenant commitment of marriage. There is a lot more motivation to compromise and be accepting, as you KNOW you are there forever. I love it!!! It's so wonderful not to have to part ways every night and say goodnight by phone, yet we are so unbelievably happy we waited until marriage for all that. Even our first kiss, which we have a beautiful pic of that we'll have forever as well!"
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Then came the comments back to me:

"just an FYI, you did come across as judgemental. No biggy, but just thought I'd let you know. ;)

No one should judge anyone else for their decisions on why or how they did things in their own personal lives. My hubby moved into my house within about 3 months of us starting to date...

...My marriage and life with my husband is very special to ME. Regardless of whether we lived together (and did all kinds of naughty things, too, mind ya!) prior to the marriage, that doesn't make the fact that we have made this amazing commitment to each other any less amazing. Not in my opinion, anyway."
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and this one:

"Not to be mean, but I don't understand your reasoning. I'd rather learn about a person's quirks before getting married because after that, you're "stuck" with them... you have no choice. What if after two people get married, they move in together and the woman finds out her husband is abusive? (it's happened before). What then? They're already married so it would be much more difficult to leave the relationship. I think it would be better to move in together before marriage and learn about those things so if you find out you're not compatible, you can leave the relationship without all of the consequences (legal and otherwise) that come along with a divorce. But maybe that's just me...

Also, let's be realistic. For some people, they have no choice because of financial reasons. Like I mentioned in my post earlier, my fiance and I had to move in together because I would have been homeless otherwise. I couldn't move back home with my parents (because they lived in a tiny little house without space for me to even sleep), and I definitely couldn't afford the $900+ per month rent for an apartment on my own (that's how much it costs here). I thoroughly believe that my fiance saved me by agreeing to move in together! He loved me so much that he didn't want to have to face the prospect of me quitting school and essentially ending up homeless. Just another reason why I love him! :) Maybe you were lucky and made very good money or your parents let you live with them for a long time. Not everyone has that luxury. You shouldn't be so judgmental (because you did come across that way even if you didn't intend to). I'm a Christian also, but I'm not that judgmental of people because I understand everyone's situations are different. My marriage will be just as special as yours even though my fiance and I chose to live together beforehand. We've been together for 6 years, and we're still going strong. He's my soul mate and nothing will change that. "
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So, I responded again:

"I guess it's harder than I thought to say what I mean without coming across the wrong way. I apologize if I sounded judgemental - really, I believe everyone has to make their own decisions, plus live with what comes of them, and I'm not going to judge anyone for that. It is not my right, or my place, to judge anyone. There's so much more to what I said that I could write a book, and there's just not enough space here for that.


So I'll address only what's been directed back to me: the first is the "being stuck with a guy with quirks/abusive qualities". True, you never know what could happen. And people change. My choice in my husband, however, wasn't just my choice. He was God's choice for me, and God is a lot smarter than I am. So I trust Him, and my husband. Sure, if someone was married and then discovered abusive qualities it would be harder than if they were not married, but it is my belief that it is still not the best choice to make to live together. And that is just what I believe - I don't hold it against someone who makes a different choice however.

As for financial reasons, if it is God's will that we hold off on things until marriage, He will provide another living situation, too. I am not rich (not even close!!! I've been wondering how the bills will get paid every month for years now), and my parents are 1500 miles away. In fact, two weeks after we got engaged my internship was up and I had no place to go. Originally, I had planned on going back to MN, but then my hubby entered the picture! :) . I still knew it wasn't right for us to live together, rent alone in the San Fran area is over $1000/month and that was out of the question, and that God would provide. So I asked God for help. And before I even started looking or posted anything, a family from my church approached me and offered me their spare room and bath until the wedding.

Sound too good to be true? Well, that wasn't the first time God provided me, literally, with shelter when I would have been without. It was the 4th time in 4 years. I had been laid off 3 times in a year and a half and every time someone offered, without me asking, a place to stay rent free.

I really, truly, and with my whole heart believe that God designed marriage the best way it could be, because He alone is perfect. And for my life, I've found that I'm a lot more content and happy if I'm listening to what God's telling me and doing my best to follow it.

Again, I apologize if anyone felt judged by what I said, I really am just speaking from my own heart about how and why we chose the timing we did."
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So what do you think? Should I have just kept my mouth shut? I was just trying to share how God's ways worked out best for us, maybe be a good example even if I am in the minority. And I know a lot of what I'm saying is falling on deaf ears anyway, so I'm trying not to take it personally. But really!!!! I can't believe that women are so blind and have really, truly, bought the lies our culture has been feeding them. It's sad, and I'm sure God is even sadder. Oh the lies women believe, that bring so much pain and heartache. I should know, I've had plenty of heartache from buying into lies in my relationships in the past.

A photo...

I LOVE this one. Not sure what it is about it, but I love it. That's all!

My husband, the chef

Ok, so maybe this meal wasn't at the level of gourmet food. And I was a bit worried at how this one would turn out. You see, Nigel called me from the grocery store to tell me he was making hotdish. If you're not from the Midwest, you know it as a casserole. Yup, Nigel making hotdish. I was nervous - after all, being from Minnesota, I could fill an entire recipe book with all my hotdish recipes. But he's from Pakistan, and has never made it before. Plus, he likes mixing random things together.

I came home to a beautiful smell in the kitchen. Hmmm, maybe this wouldn't be so bad. He wouldn't tell me what he'd put in it - wanted me to figure it out on my own.

It was DELICIOUS!! He used chicken breasts (yes, marinated in various spices), a box of stuffing, veggies, a can of cream of whatever soup (a hotdish staple), and even a bit of cheese and french fried onions on top. I am so impressed! Maybe I can turn him into a Minnesotan yet...

It's already been one year, no way!

I cannot believe we've been married for a year already. And it's so amazing. We were talking the other day after we got back from Carmel, where we spent our anniversary, about how it feels like a huge weight has been lifted off our shoulder since we hit one year.

Why? Well everyone kept telling us that the first year is so hard, and that it would be especially so for us since we met in February of 2006 and were married in October. So once we hit a year, the pressure was off or something like that. Weird, huh? Especially since it was totally a mental thing. I mean, there were difficult parts of learning to share all of your life and home with another, especially a man, but it was far better than I was expecting. And my expectation was totally a result of others who told me it was going to be extremely difficult.

So we are happier than ever. Nicole Gee, my awesome friend/photographer, took pictures of us in San Francisco on the 6th. We decided it would become a yearly tradition. Do any of you have any anniversary traditions?

We also got a cake from the same one who did our wedding cake, Fatema at Cake Delight. We even tried a new flavor: chocolate mousse. It was yummy! And without any ideas from me at all she remembered our wedding cake and put the same brown and blue flowers on it! She is so sweet and amazing. That's why we keep going back to her!

Here is an album from our anniversary weekend:

First Anniversary - Photo shoot and Carmel

I also finally put out there an album of some of our faves from the wedding. Just click public gallery after you go to the above album. On the morning of our anniversary, the 8th, Nigel and I sat down in our room at the Normandy Inn in Carmel and ate cake while we watched our wedding video and a slideshow of pics. Joel Flory's slideshow from our wedding is still up as well. Just after we finished the video, there was a knock at the door and a delivery of 2 dozen red roses! How sweet is my husband? And he had no control over the perfect timing, either.

It was a wonderful celebration, for sure.

Maui

Nigel and I just got back from 9 days on Maui. What a wonderful trip!! It was relaxing and a much needed recharge. We didn't realize how weary we had become with the day-to-day busyness of life in California. It really was like we were on a second honeymoon. And in a very beautiful place! This is a pic from the very end of our trip to Hana.

From Maui 2007

We saw a lot of beautiful waterfalls that day. Many were unknown to the general public, as we had this awesome book called "Maui Revealed". You can easily buy it on Amazon if you're headed to Maui. There's also one for Kauai that we used for our honeymoon, as well as ones for Oaho and the Big Island. You can click the link to our album to see more pics.

From Maui 2007

The hurricane missed us completely, thank goodness. We had beautiful weather the whole time we were there. And we didn't do too much at all. We rode jet skis at Lahaina, which Nigel had never done. We also went to an awesome show called Warren and Annabelle's Magic show in Lahaina. And, believe it or not, we met a group of Minnesotans, which knew an entire family of people from my tiny hometown. It is such a small world! And Nigel shakes his head in disbelief every time this happens to me, which is often. I always seem to find someone I'm connected to somehow.

I'm back at creating more album pages, hoping very soon to launch this thing. It's time consuming work, yet I love it so much. God's given me this talent for a reason, just like all the others. And He's showing me how to use it. And I am grateful to Him, for this talent and for my life.

You know, we take for granted so much in this life on earth. Like the beautiful sunsets God paints for us every evening. Or that He gives us each day to use for His purposes, yet we waste so much of it. Or the love of our husbands, family, and friends. I keep thinking about the song Garth Brooks sings called "If Tomorrow Never Comes." I want to live each day like it's my last, doing exactly what God has given me to do for that day, cherishing the little moments with friends and family when I get to, and especially with Nigel. Because maybe I won't have tomorrow, or maybe he won't. And God doesn't want us to live in the past or the future - He wants us to live today, for today. Sometimes it takes 9 straight days of slowing down to come back to that reality. But it's true.

So please, for me, take a moment you wouldn't have otherwise taken with someone you love today and really cherish it. Take a picture or write it down, too, because there is joy for you in the remembering, as well.

August 2007 - almost over?!?!

Life is good, even when it is a whirlwind. Things have been busy for us - I picked up more hours at work and work more hours when I'm at home. So Nigel is feeling my laptop gets more attention than him some nights lately. Yet, the business stuff is really coming along. I created a page for my website jaxdigitaldesign.com. Down at the bottom right of the page is a link to my Picasa gallery, with more collages and album pages being added all the time.

It's a ton of fun, even though it's a lot of work. I am working on a full website, but that is a while out yet in being finished. And even then the gallery part will take me a while to set up. I also bought jackieclemonds.com, so that points to my site as well.

I am set for a meeting at the end of the month with a photographer to discuss creating albums for his wedding clients, and I have another photographer who I am designing collages and marketing materials for (she took our engagement shots, and the senior pics I've been putting collages together of).

Nigel and I are headed to Maui tomorrow for some long overdue downtime, for 9 days. There's a hurricane headed for Hawaii, too, though right now it looks like that will hit only the Big Island, and not Maui. But we may see some extra wind and showers for a few days as it moves out of the area. Our first trip to Hawaii, to Kauai for our honeymoon, brought our first experience of an earthquake (and we've felt a few since - after all, we live in San Francisco!) I think we may need to think of a different spot to escape to next time...

I've heard a lot of the country is experiencing very hot and humid weather lately. Well, we live in a desert climate and it's unseasonably cool here (like 70s and 80s vs. 100s). And the days have been gorgeous in the East Bay. I feel so blessed to live here!

We also bought our tickets for MN for Christmas. We are flying in the evening of the 21st and heading back to CA on the 26th. Hopefully I will get to see some of my Twin Cities friends while I'm home!!

I'll post again after our trip to Hawaii with some pics. Hopefully we'll get some sunny days.

So much going on...

Well, life has been NUTS lately! I'm in the process of starting a business, designing wedding albums. The biggest news is I have a website!!! It's nothing really, yet, except my logo and a link to my album samples on picasaweb, but it's a start! Through my most recent job, I've learned everything I've ever wanted to know about web sites: hosting them, creating them, updating files, mail servers, etc. And all that is helping me! Here's a link to my web site: www.jaxdigitaldesign.com. More on that later!

I just got a new set of wedding pics from a friend so I can work on some pages for her. I am excited to work with some pics other than my own!

In other news, Nigel and I are headed to Maui in August. We went to Kauai on our honeymoon, which was the first trip to Hawaii for both of us. We are excited to head to another island. And through many blessings, we are able to go for 9 days!!! We need it - especially with all the extra work I've been putting into starting my own business. And Nigel's been swamped at work, too. So we're excited for some extended R&R on the beach.

Now if I could only figure out how to get the money for a Mac, I'd be set! So for now I get to design on my slow laptop. And pray for enough orders soon to pay for a new Mac and the new Adobe CS3. Then I can create to my heart's content, and design my whole website, too. It will happen, and all I need is a bit more patience to wait it out.

My 30th Birthday Party

I can't believe I'm 30!!! For my birthday, Nigel arranged a party for me and invited all my friends to the Macaroni Grill in Dublin, CA. Italian is my favorite! He wouldn't tell me anything about it though - just that he was doing something for me the night after my birthday with my friends and his family. We all enjoyed some wonderful Italian food, and at the end a man brought out this fudgy cake with a candle on it. He then sang "Happy Birthday" to me in Italian with his beautiful voice. After dinner, we went to Bob and Merrie's house for cake. Nigel had ordered a birthday cake from Fatema, who made our wedding cake. This one, however, was a 4 layer almond cake with chocolate ganache filling. What a sweet husband I have!!!

I should also tell the story of my birthday itself. Nigel couldn't wait until morning for me to open my gifts, so as soon as midnight hit and it was May 11th, he handed me the gifts. I chose, however, to only open one. It was a beautiful black and white pearl necklace. The next morning I opened another gift, and it was a matching black pearl necklace and bracelet. How sweet! The most unique gift, and appropriate for a 30th birthday for sure, was from my friend Brittany. She gave me the new Tickle Me Elmo Extreme. It is hilarious!!! If you haven't seen it, get one!!

I left work at noon on my birthday to spend the rest of the day with Nigel. We met up at his mom's house. She couldn't resist and cooked us a wonderful lunch. She is such a GREAT cook!! That night, Nigel told me we had dinner plans but again wouldn't tell me where we were going. It turns out he had made reservations at this cute little Italian restaurant in Alamo called Ristorante Forli. They had live music as well, so we danced to some of the old standards after a wonderful dinner.

I am blessed. I have wonderful friends, a husband who treats me almost too well, a great family (who is too far away), and a wonderful family of in-laws. What more could I ask for in the people that surround me? God is good.

A visit from friends (new friends for me)

The last week in April we hosted Nigel's good friends from Pakistan, Haseeb, and his wife Itti (pronounced It-thee). It is very hard for a Pakistani to get a visitor's visa to the US right now. So we thought the first time I would ever get to meet them was if we went to Pakistan.

However, Haseeb works for Motorola, and won a sales award, WNNR, for which the company flew him to Hawaii and gave him and his wife (along with all the other WNNRs and their spouses) tons of praise, recognition, free gifts including a gold-plated cell phone, and the whole vacation which included their stay at a fancy resort. I want to work for Motorola! No wonder their phones are so expensive.

Anyway, since the company wanted them to travel to Hawaii for business, it was easy to get visas for them. Then Haseeb requested to fly through San Francisco with a stopover on the way back for 4 days. They agreed, and so they stayed with us and we traveled all over the Bay area. It was a blast!!

Here is a link to my public Picasa gallery, which includes an album from their visit with a few of my faves:

Itti and Haseeb's Visit April 07

Their visit also meant a week of cleaning and finally completely putting together our house. So now I have a functional office/spare bedroom/studio!! I'll take some pictures of our place now and post them soon, since everything's finally in order.

Scrapbook Page Flowers 1

This is one of the pages I've been working on for our wedding album. I think this one's done (expect maybe some copy changes). It's stretching my Photoshop skills in a whole new way, and I am excited to learn more!

New furniture, new ideas, and a new job

I can't believe it's already March!!! On Thursday Nigel and I will have been married for 5 months already. I can't believe it. And changes abound, yet again, in my life. I guess that's the way it goes when you never really picked/stuck to a career path to begin with...

We received a huge gift from a family at the church - bedroom furniture! Mine is at my dad's place in South Dakota, and we have no clue when we will be able to get it out here. So, in the meantime, we got some from a family who is majorly downsizing. The daughter, Sunee, is an 8th grader in my small group. We got a beautiful dresser and nightstand for our bedroom, white in a French style, and a matching desk/hutch which I am going to use in my "studio."

Speaking of my studio. We have a 2nd bedroom with no other purpose, yet, though it will hopefully be a nursery eventually. So for now it is "my space." I've been working on a lot of neat new projects. I started getting inspired for all kinds of projects while I was working on planning our wedding. So I started collecting "stuff" - canvases (the traditional kind plus wooden boxes, old cigar boxes, bags, clipboards, composition notebooks, photo albums), fabric swatches, wallpaper, paper of all kinds, ribbon, flowers, and all kinds of other things.

I also started working on a digital scrapbook. Basically, you layer text, photos, graphics, ribbons, etc. just like you would on paper, only in Photoshop. I'll post one of my latest soon.

So, I am also switching jobs. This Friday, in a very bitersweet way, is my last day at the antique shop. On Monday, I'm starting at Network Architects, and will be doing web design and maintenance. No, I have no experience in that exactly, but it's something I've always wanted to learn. And now someone wants to give me the tools I need and teach me how to do it. It's 3 days a week, and I'll make as much as 5 at the store. So I'll have time to work on photography stuff for Nicole, the photographer I'm working with (her husband is the one who's hired me), and to do all these projects I'm dreaming of.

Life's crazy. But it's a wild ride that I'm enjoying immensely, especially with Nigel by my side!