Humility, sacrifice, and marriage

I am going through a Beth Moore study on Daniel with the women's ministry at my church. It's pretty amazing, and really stretches the brain, which I love. But in the midst of all the prophecies, kings, kings, and more kings, and end-time events, there are some solid, amazing lessons for life. This may take two posts, so I'll start with what I've learned this past week.

The video to begin week 11 (studying Daniel 11) talked about sacrifice vs. selfishness. Satan is constantly trying to get all of us to give up the sacrificial life. For "it is only in losing ourselves that we truly find ourselves," and Satan doesn't want us to know the truth about who we are in Christ and what good we are capable of doing in the world we live in. Beth Moore said that if we miss the sacrificial life we will miss our calling. Wow! I definitely don't want that to happen. I want to fully live as God intends for me to live, on a daily basis in all that I say and do.

She also said that sacrifice has to come at great cost to us. That's where I really began to apply what was being said. For most of us, the "cost" is our pride, though it could be something much more. We want it to be quick and easy, to give (monetarily or in service) out of our excess, not where it's hard. Here is a quote she included from C.S. Lewis: "Pride leads to every other vice: it is the complete anti-God state of mind." I have been saying for years that I believe pride leads to every other sin, not knowing that C.S. Lewis said the same thing. Pride precedes greed, lust, stealing, cheating, and any other sin you can think of. Selfish pride. And we all have it.

Here's a practical application that most of you women that I know will appreciate. How does America portray a man who asks his wife to do something for him, even something small like get him a glass of water? Lazy, controlling, and womanizing. Hmmm. Interesting that we would hear that so often, yet it's SO WRONG! Explains where my instant subconscious defensiveness, though unfounded, comes from every time Nigel asks me to do something. Stubborn, selfish pride, fueled by our annoying and deceptive media.

I applied what I learned in the Bible study: sacrifice, true sacrifice, has to cost something. For me that is often pride. So I swallowed that pride and went our of my way to do extra things for Nigel this week. And I discovered something: it makes me like myself a lot more. I also discovered in the midst of it this week that Nigel's love language is acts of service. And all of a sudden all the puzzle pieces fell into place - he is always hoping that I'll do things before he asks me to, because it makes him feel loved. And when I don't, or grumble a little at doing something, it actually hurts him. Talk about switching my motivation! It's a lot easier to do things for someone when the result is that they feel extra loved.

Here is a little excerpt from fivelovelanguages.com about acts of service:

"Sometimes simple chores around the house can be an undeniable expression of love. Even simple things like laundry and taking out the trash require some form of planning, time, effort, and energy. Just as Jesus demonstrated when he washed the feet of his disciples, doing humble chores can be a very powerful expression of love and devotion to your mate.

Very often, both pairs in a couple will speak to the Acts of Service Language. However, it is very important to understand what acts of service your mate most appreciates. Even though couples are helping each other around the house, couples will still fight because the are unknowingly communicating with each other in two different dialects. For example, a wife may spend her day washing the cars and walking the dog, but if her husband feels that laundry and dishes are a superior necessity, he may feel unloved, despite the fact that his wife did many other chores throughout the day. It is important to learn your mate’s dialect and work hard to understand what acts of service will show your love.

It is important to do these acts of service out of love and not obligation. A mate who does chores and helps out around the house out of guilt or fear will inevitably not be speaking a language of love, but a language of resentment. It’s important to perform these acts out of the kindness of your heart.

Demonstrating the acts of service can mean stepping out of the stereotypes. Acts of service require both mates to humble themselves into doing some chores and services that aren’t usually expected from their gender. However, these little sacrifices will mean the world to your mate, and will ensure a happy relationship."

Now, I need to get Nigel to read the chapter on words of affirmation, because as it turns out, words definitely make or break my day. How do people like Gary Chapman come up with this stuff? I am thankful to God for leading him to write that book. It is sure helping my relationships! And my marriage to the most wonderful and humble man on earth.