The single life

Okay, I am writing this one out of frustration. Well, some of it is frustration, some is discontentment I guess, and some is just an incomprehension of why society has to be so hard on single people.

I live with three awesome roommates, all of whom are now engaged and planning weddings that are only a few months away. Not only that, but there are three newlywed couples, and many dating couples in my group of friends. Only a couple of us in the large group of people we call our friends are single. And it seems we’re the ones never invited to anything.

For a while, I thought it was just me — jealous that the others were in relationships and I was single. But I started noting all the weekends, pretty much every weekend really, that I had nothing to do and all the couples were hanging out with other couples. It’s not just me. It’s a real thing.

However, my feelings about that, though real, are not the right ones to have. I get upset, at times feel lonely, left out, and rejected. Is that how God wants me to be? No!!! He desires for me to find joy, even in the difficult situations in life.

Am I discontent? To some degree, yes. No wonder I fill up all my free time with work, volunteering at church, and picking up odd jobs. In fact, someone else that works at Grace recently asked me if I’d be around this weekend. When I said no, he said he was surprised because it’s not unusual to see me volunteering for something on the weekend. Is that bad? No. But do I wish and hope for more? Well, yes. I definitely want to be married eventually and have a family of my own. And I’m sure not where I thought I would be at 27.

And what do my friends say when I bring up feeling left out? They deny that they do it, and when I proceed to give specific examples, they make excuses. Yet tonight, again, is for couples only. God wants me to be content being single. But it’s difficult to be content and happy when people around me exclude me because I don’t have a significant other, or because they think I’ll hate being the 3rd, 5th, or 7th wheel, or when society labels me as not yet complete if I don’t have a husband, or when my family constantly asks if I’m dating or when I’ll finally “settle down.”

This is a constant, day by day, difficult battle. God grants me more grace than I could ever hope to deserve though. And that is what keeps me going.

I’m finishing school in a couple weeks. For the second time around. And my schedule will be much more open. I’m praying against the lies of the enemy that will say that I’m not wanted and lonely in the times that I will no longer be filling with homework. I’m a bit scared about that, so I’m praying in advance for new ways to manage the new, large amounts of free time.

And in the meantime, I hope some of my friends figure out how much they’re hurting the few that are single, get over the novelty of the “couples’ culture,” and start inviting us to do things, too.

As for me, I choose to let God write my story. I haven't had much time for dating until now anyway, and I know He has so much bigger plans for me than feeling rejected. That's not the truth anyway--I'm as wanted and loved as anyone could possibly ever be by the God of the universe, who for some incomprehensible reason wants to spend endless amounts of time with me. How amazing is that? And the grace just keeps on flowing, getting me through the menial frustrations of life on earth...